On Being Same-Gender Parents
Mar. 25th, 2010 07:01 pmAs a couple, Kathy and I occasionally get some odd looks. We've never been a couple to hide our affection for each other. If we part ways in public, we still kiss and hug goodbye and say "I love you" to each other. It's what loving couples do, as far as we're concerned. It what my parents did and still do. The looks we get when this happens do not miss our attention, but we don't care. It didn't happen when we were a "straight" couple, or at least not as frequently and obviously, but it does now. Having a child has added a whole new dimension to this experience. Today seemed to be the day for it to really come to the foreground. We had two interactions today that seemed to be a dramatically altering moment in others perceptions of us as people.
First we went to a local store. We went to the counter with our purchase and the clerk asked us, "Whose kid?" We both said pretty much in unison, "Ours." She suddenly had this puzzled look on her face and said, "Oh. Okay." People have kind of beaten around the bush about this one, but this was the first time anyone ask us so bluntly and seemed surprised to find out that we were two moms to one child.
Then we went to the local community meal. We used to go every week until I had to work at the time the meal is normally held. Even still, most people there know and recognize us and no one has ever really mistreated us there. In fact, usually it's very much the opposite. There is one elderly gentleman who is friendly with us and loves to see Ian. Today he was commenting on how big he was getting and then saw his eyes, commented on how brown they were, looked at my eyes, noticed they were blue, and then I said, "He got her eyes," in reference to Kathy. He asked a couple questions about the daddy and then the conversation continued much like this (X is the gentleman, J for me and K for Kathy):
X is rather happy and smiling.
X: "So is she your sister?"
K:: "No, wife."
J: "No, she's my wife."
X: "You're married?!"
At this point his facial expression has gone from very smiley to sort of serious OMG perplexed face. It was that quick and that obvious. I suck at reading people and even I got the message very clearly.
J: "Yes. We're married."
X: "So which one of you had him?"
J: "She did."
K: "I did."
And then they called for people with containers to come get leftovers and he walked away. That was perhaps the most odd experience we've had as same-gender parents. It wasn't bad, but it was definitely a very different experience for us.
So, my question for any of our friends who are same-gender parents: Have you experienced anything like this? Worse instances? In general things went over better?
First we went to a local store. We went to the counter with our purchase and the clerk asked us, "Whose kid?" We both said pretty much in unison, "Ours." She suddenly had this puzzled look on her face and said, "Oh. Okay." People have kind of beaten around the bush about this one, but this was the first time anyone ask us so bluntly and seemed surprised to find out that we were two moms to one child.
Then we went to the local community meal. We used to go every week until I had to work at the time the meal is normally held. Even still, most people there know and recognize us and no one has ever really mistreated us there. In fact, usually it's very much the opposite. There is one elderly gentleman who is friendly with us and loves to see Ian. Today he was commenting on how big he was getting and then saw his eyes, commented on how brown they were, looked at my eyes, noticed they were blue, and then I said, "He got her eyes," in reference to Kathy. He asked a couple questions about the daddy and then the conversation continued much like this (X is the gentleman, J for me and K for Kathy):
X is rather happy and smiling.
X: "So is she your sister?"
K:: "No, wife."
J: "No, she's my wife."
X: "You're married?!"
At this point his facial expression has gone from very smiley to sort of serious OMG perplexed face. It was that quick and that obvious. I suck at reading people and even I got the message very clearly.
J: "Yes. We're married."
X: "So which one of you had him?"
J: "She did."
K: "I did."
And then they called for people with containers to come get leftovers and he walked away. That was perhaps the most odd experience we've had as same-gender parents. It wasn't bad, but it was definitely a very different experience for us.
So, my question for any of our friends who are same-gender parents: Have you experienced anything like this? Worse instances? In general things went over better?