mandysee_mandydo: (Classy Phryne)
an apple fell from the tree
do not mourn the loss
in the shade
in the orchard
do you not see me?
see yourself?
the apples?
i am you
you are me
we are all apples in the tree
we could taste the whole orchard
and find no two fruits
tasting exactly alike
yet each so familiar
nectar sweet like a memory
like a life lived
like a life to come
seeds spill in the soil and take root
to become a tree
to become me
to become you
to become all

caged bird

Apr. 19th, 2016 10:55 am
mandysee_mandydo: (Default)

locked away in my rib cage
perched and gayly singing
"do you hear me?"
"do you hear me?"
waiting for you to
open the cage
caress it softly
and ask me why i ever
clipped its wings when
i could have let it fly free








mandysee_mandydo: (Default)

thank you for
helping me find my strength
adding to my resilience and resolve
now i can see it
knowledge comes with distance and time



you tried to burn me
only to see me rise from the ashes
up to my better self

( Dedicated to all of my bullies and abusers through the years. I wouldn't be the person I am today without you.)

mandysee_mandydo: (Default)
trees
reaching into the sky
branches caress the air
looking for breath
just like

lungs
nestled in our bosoms
bronchioles caress the air
looking for breath
there is a

pattern
the way the lines split
and split again
and split again
and split again
the repetition and reiteration
is all very

mathematical
fractals occurring in nature
imperfectly executed
variables in every deviation

are you so surprised by your flaws?

look up
look inside
it's in all of nature
it's in all our natures
the way we are

crooked
gnarly
tangled
asymmetrical
wondrous
awe-inspiring
beautiful

go gently

Dec. 3rd, 2015 10:03 am
mandysee_mandydo: (Default)
stop blaming yourself
everything is not your fault
let go
forget your past mistakes

find compassion for yourself
offer it to others, too
regret is not your friend
go for it
invite new experiences
volunteer to lift yourself and others up
evade the need to judge your feelings
neither good nor bad
existing
sit with them
set them free
mandysee_mandydo: (Default)
Full length mirrors reflect a bigger picture
I stopped in front of one today
I saw so many imperfections
I said to myself
Lady, you are so much more than that
That's your body
It's not perfect
But it's yours
Live in it
Love it
Own it
Every flaw
Every inch
Every pound
Every curve
You are beautiful
You are smart
You are strong
You have power
The things those eyes and thighs have seen and
Still you are here
Still going
Still breathing
Still living and learning and loving
And lady can you do all of those
With passion as hot and wild as fire
That mirror has it's own imperfections
Let that light within you shine brightly
Let the shadows fall where they may
See it all in your reflection
Recognize yourself
And appreciate
All of you

Eternal

Aug. 22nd, 2015 11:46 pm
mandysee_mandydo: (Default)
Millions of years from now
Far, far away
Near a star blinking in our night sky
Someone will see the sunlight we basked in today
We will be there in spirit

Millions of years ago
Far, far away
Near a star blinking in our night sky
Someone basked in sunlight we are seeing tonight
They are here in spirit

Right now
Far, far away
Near a star blinking in our night sky
Someone is seeing the sunlight dinosaurs basked in
We are all connected in spirit

Millions of years ago
Our neighbors' bodies transformed into stardust
Floating far, far away
Pollinating our earth to give birth to us

Right now as we pass
Our bodies too transform into stardust
Floating far, far away
Pollinating another planet to give birth to neighbors
Whose sunlight has yet to appear in our night sky

We are all connected in spirit through space and time
We are eternal and orbital, tracing circles in the night sky
Wherever you are
May I share this moment with you?

Be Proud

Aug. 14th, 2015 11:35 pm
mandysee_mandydo: (Default)
Early in my transition I decided to write a poem about my self-love. Since I felt it was unrequited but burgeoning, I chose to write it as a Petrarchan sonnet. It was a fun exercise that inspired me to take the work of transition seriously and build myself up. Since I am once again doing the work to reclaim my self-worth and reawaken my sense of self-love, I chose to repeat the poetic process.

This time I refused to allow my self-love to be unrequited. No Petrarchan sonnet this time. I'm going full-on, sappy, sweet, lovey-dovey Shakespearean sonnet in spite of my distaste for the form. If the shoe fits... Fourteen lines, typical rhyming scheme, iambic pentameter, and the volta at line 9 that turns the gloomy toward the light. My imperfections are just another side of who I am. There are bright and beautiful sides. It's time they caught the light, too. So, without further ado...

Be Proud

As lines of silver streak my brunette locks
And stretch marks ripple round my heavy waist,
I struggle finding ample fitting frocks
And tears with mem'ries oft roll down with haste.

Emotions once before kept stuffed inside
Crouch ready to lash out with just a flinch.
My spirit's only happy just to hide
and legs too weary under pound and inch.

Yet these are just mere facets of my self,
imperfect yes but not without their shine!
So turn the gem that's me upon the shelf
And deeper beauty lusters clear and fine.

Oh Self, I did the best I could today.
Be proud, and know I love you anyway.
mandysee_mandydo: (Default)
My heart and mind roam free
Big game prime for the chase
For the hunt
It shall not be easy
My body is not some pristine preserve
With prey readily contained
Easy pickings for you to pluck and
Carry away, smug and well-fed
My body is a great wilderness
Beasts within have teeth and claws
Good luck taming it
It shall not be easy
It's getting late
Better light a fire
I beg of you don't burn it all down
Oh, I'll survive if you do
And rise from the ashes
Fly away
Catch me if you can
It shall not be easy
Feed that fire
It could get dark
My soul dances before you in the shadows
Like a thousand fireflies among the trees
Little glimpses of light and flame
Hints to show the way
Can you see them?
See my soul?
Let it guide you
Are you up for the chase?
It shall not be easy
My heart and mind are just ahead
Be quick or be dead
They are fast but not easy
Full of passions and desires and needs
Vivacious, vibrant, and vermilion
They do not rest
They run
They run swift
They evade
They hide
They fight back
How hungry are you?
mandysee_mandydo: (Default)

I looked in the mirror this morning
I saw blue, gray, and green galaxies
Their circling arms gently holding
Worlds full of promise and opportunity
I saw you in the black hole at the center, too
Threatening to draw me in
Stretch me thin
Make it impossible for me to exist
I dance on the event horizon
Hoping for the energy
To maintain the slowly decaying orbit
Striving to achieve escape velocity
Worried I may get sucked in
Is that really where I want to be?
Lost in time and eternity?
Inhabiting darkness?
Or do I want to spread my wings and fly
Make love with the stars that
Shine brightest around me
Reflect their radiance back to them
Hold their darkness together gently with mine
Make peace with the universe and
Sing harmoniously

Naked

Jul. 3rd, 2015 10:59 am
mandysee_mandydo: (Default)


I savor preparing gifts for you
The planning
The process
The wet lips in anticipation
I like to make them beautiful
I crop the photos
I edit the videos
My body
Trimmed for presentation
Beautiful as you tell me I am
You've seen naked photos of me
But you haven't
Seen me
Naked
I want to bare it all for you
Every pound
Every curve
Every stretch mark
But I'm afraid you can't bear it
That my breasts will be too small
To whet your appetite
A mere unpalatable hors d'oeuvre
That my round belly is too large
Engorged too many feasts
Too plump and overripe
You tell me I am beautiful and
I hide pieces of me
Like distasteful scraps
Secreted away
In a napkin
I choose your gift from the menu
Prepare it and present it
And perhaps this time
Well seasoned in the process
I'll have left a little more fat on the meat
A touch more succulence
Tender and a bit raw
For you

Six Words

Jun. 25th, 2015 03:17 pm
mandysee_mandydo: (Default)

I'm playing with fire
I can feel its heat
As we both feed it
Higher and higher
I'm afraid of how it might burn me
And how it might burn her
I'm afraid of stoking it too fast
That it burns out
I feel alive
Six words
She wrote to me
The flame burns brighter and hotter
She tells me I might be a phoenix
I'm inclined to believe her
I want to jump in the fire
Feel the inferno consume me
Embrace a rebirth
Spread my wings
Rise from ashes and
Fly away
With her
mandysee_mandydo: (Default)
One more spiral around the web
The thread loops one more year
A new year of life
A new year of love
A new year of family
All thanks to your sacrifice
You animals
You plants
You fungi
You that I call my relations
In this interconnected web of life
I offer a small sacrifice to you
A reprieve
A respite
A ritual of respect
Only water to fill me for a day
The dew that shimmers in our web
The common thread that ties us together
I know this cannot repay my debt to you
At least not until my thread spirals to a close
Another token of thanksgiving
Another fast in place of feast
Another thread woven
In the web of gratitude
The thread loops one more year
One more spiral around the web
mandysee_mandydo: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]Today is Haiku Day.
Snow dances and rests on ground.
Thanks a lot, solstice.

~~<@>~~

Snow is beautiful.
That is what some people say.
Come up here, say that.

~~<@>~~

Rain, rain, go away.
Come again some other day
When you're less frozen.

~~<@>~~

Snow is glistening.
Walk in winter wonderland.
Should have shopped sooner.

mandysee_mandydo: (Evilman)
One of my online friends on a forum I frequent bought a book of zombie haiku. She's been posting some of them for us and it inspired me to write a couple just a moment ago. Thought I'd share.

I want to eat brains.
I used to like eggs on toast.
Change is good, I guess.

Being undead bites.
No really, I bite your flesh.
See? I told you so.
mandysee_mandydo: (Default)
I finished True Selves tonight and at the end there is a collection of poetry from transsexual people. They really inspired me to write poetry for the first time in years. Considering my obsession with Petrarch, I decided a fitting twist to the traditional Italian sonnet form would be my feeling of unrequited self-love. It felt good to put the feelings to poetry. It's been so long...

Oh, Petrarch! How Shall I Love My Self?

How sly she is to hide in dark and mist!
    And I shall gaze through glass in hope to see
    Her smile and grace reflect along with me:
    A glimpse of someone new yet deeply missed.
Oh! Surely how I wish for just one tryst,
    One chance for us as one and all to be.
    And in that time I lose myself in she,
    Forever lost from Atlas' manly list.

But then with time and searching depths of soul
    In places long I feared not tread or look
    Shall I but meet her gaze and know her gift.
And she will fill this vast and wrethced hole,
    And bits of me shall fill each vacant nook
    So I, as she, can make this dread fog lift.

"Nature chooses who will be transgender; individuals don't choose this." - Mercedes Ruehl

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Jamie Amana Capach

September 2016

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