mandysee_mandydo: (Default)

thank you for
helping me find my strength
adding to my resilience and resolve
now i can see it
knowledge comes with distance and time



you tried to burn me
only to see me rise from the ashes
up to my better self

( Dedicated to all of my bullies and abusers through the years. I wouldn't be the person I am today without you.)

mandysee_mandydo: (Mrs. Peel In The Rain)

CW: suicide, depression )
If you are thinking of suicide, know that I love you and you are not alone. Please ask for help. You can call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) or for Text Telephone call 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889).

If you identify as LGBT youth you can call 1-866-4-U-TREVOR. If you are transgender like me, you can call Trans Lifeline at (877) 565-8860.

For more information:
Suicide.org

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
The Trevor Project

Trans Lifeline

Be Proud

Aug. 14th, 2015 11:35 pm
mandysee_mandydo: (Default)
Early in my transition I decided to write a poem about my self-love. Since I felt it was unrequited but burgeoning, I chose to write it as a Petrarchan sonnet. It was a fun exercise that inspired me to take the work of transition seriously and build myself up. Since I am once again doing the work to reclaim my self-worth and reawaken my sense of self-love, I chose to repeat the poetic process.

This time I refused to allow my self-love to be unrequited. No Petrarchan sonnet this time. I'm going full-on, sappy, sweet, lovey-dovey Shakespearean sonnet in spite of my distaste for the form. If the shoe fits... Fourteen lines, typical rhyming scheme, iambic pentameter, and the volta at line 9 that turns the gloomy toward the light. My imperfections are just another side of who I am. There are bright and beautiful sides. It's time they caught the light, too. So, without further ado...

Be Proud

As lines of silver streak my brunette locks
And stretch marks ripple round my heavy waist,
I struggle finding ample fitting frocks
And tears with mem'ries oft roll down with haste.

Emotions once before kept stuffed inside
Crouch ready to lash out with just a flinch.
My spirit's only happy just to hide
and legs too weary under pound and inch.

Yet these are just mere facets of my self,
imperfect yes but not without their shine!
So turn the gem that's me upon the shelf
And deeper beauty lusters clear and fine.

Oh Self, I did the best I could today.
Be proud, and know I love you anyway.
mandysee_mandydo: (Default)

I looked in the mirror this morning
I saw blue, gray, and green galaxies
Their circling arms gently holding
Worlds full of promise and opportunity
I saw you in the black hole at the center, too
Threatening to draw me in
Stretch me thin
Make it impossible for me to exist
I dance on the event horizon
Hoping for the energy
To maintain the slowly decaying orbit
Striving to achieve escape velocity
Worried I may get sucked in
Is that really where I want to be?
Lost in time and eternity?
Inhabiting darkness?
Or do I want to spread my wings and fly
Make love with the stars that
Shine brightest around me
Reflect their radiance back to them
Hold their darkness together gently with mine
Make peace with the universe and
Sing harmoniously

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Jamie Amana Capach

September 2016

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